July 17, 2013

So 1 year ago today was when I went to one of my doctors (in GR) and what I didn't want to hear....I heard. That I most likely wasn't ovulating and so she didn't know if we would be able to have kids or not. I knew that with all my health issues that I've known about since I was 19 had that possibility but it doesn't seem as real when at the time I was 19 I had no boyfriend and marriage and having babies was still in the little distant future and my being an optimist hoped for the best and did one of the "that happens to other people...not me" things. I was crushed 1 year ago today....I cried....and I couldn't wait for Andy to get home from work so I could be in his arms. Now 1 year later we are waiting any day for our precious little boy to arrive!! His due date is the 28th! I hope he comes soon because I can't wait to meet him and hold him in my arms and kiss him and tell him how much I love him! I am so thankful and blessed that God has given us this baby!! Such a treasure and sweet gift to cherish! God has been so very gracious and has continue to give us strength! :) Thank you to those who have been praying for us and him throughout the journey!

By God's grace,

~Whitney~

Mother's Day (5/12/13)

It's Mother's Day!

 

I'm so very thankful and am counting my blessings! God is gracious! This year is an array of mixed feelings for me. I'm blessed to have been given a precious gift from God by him allowing me to get pregnant and in a few months have Andy's and my own little boy! I am so happy and excited to meet our little boy at end of July/beginning of August!! At the same time it's hard to know that I still have a couple friends that are struggling on the journey of infertility....how my heart aches for them as I know the pain that that journey can have at times and especially on days like today...Mother's Day. I pray that God would soon bless them with a precious gift from heaven as well! For those friends who read this, know that you are in my prayers daily and that I love you! Keep trusting God for His timing even though I know that can be hard at times! *hugs!*

 

My first Mother's Day was lovely! I was able to have the day off from work (even though normally it would have been my weekend to work, I had been able to get a paid day off). I went to church with my wonderful and amazing husband and then later in the day we went out to eat with my side of the family and my grandparents and a few aunts, uncles, and cousins! Today my first Mother's Day is also my Mom's 25th Mother's Day! My dad wrote a special poem about being a "Grand Mother" and then how she would soon be a "Grandmother" and then I formatted the poem with 2 pictures on one 11x14 size picture which we then had framed! The 2 pictures were 1 of when my Mom was pregnant with me and then the 2nd picture was of me pregnant now. :) She loved it and it made her cry! I love my Mom and am so thankful for her!!!

 

Today I want to thank my wonderful husband because he is the best and the sweetest man ever! I also want to thank our families and friends that have prayed for us both while we waited, hoped and prayed and the journey of infertility; as well as for us our little boy and us since finding out we were expecting a baby! Andy and I are so grateful and blessed by you all!

 

Blessings!

 

Love,

~Whitney~

 

 

 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or

imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

~Ephesians 3:20~

 

You have granted [us our] heart’s desire
    and have not withheld the request of [our] lips.

 ~Psalm 21:2~

 

[We] prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted [us] what [we] asked of him.

 ~1 Samuel 1:27~

blessed!

20 weeks today!!! Halfway there to meeting our little blessing from God!!!! :) :) :) We are soooo thankful for this gift from God and am grateful everytime I stop and think about God's grace!!

"You have granted him [us] his [our] heart’s desire

    and have not withheld the request of his [our] lips. Selah. ~Psalm 21:2~

In awe of HIS goodness,

~Whitney~

Day 32 = I don't know what to think or feel!

Ahhh! I think I'm about to go crazy! Today is day 32 of this cycle and still no start of what Andy has dubbed "ladies week" of the month! I don't know if this is good or bad....I so want to hope that this is good news but it's so hard to let my hopes soar when they have been dashed to pieces time and time again leaving my heart in tiny broken pieces and me a sobbing heap on the floor or curled up in Andy's arms. I am so hoping that THIS is the month, and yet if it's not, that "ladies week" would hurry up and come so my hopes don't get any higher, because with each day that passes and no "ladies week" my hopes climb a bit higher. I want to take a pregnancy test and yet I'm scared to in case there isn't 2 lines. I've had a few possible symptoms, but they're what the medical world call "soft symptoms" meaning they could mean pregnancy but they could also mean "ladies week" is coming. One second I have my emotions together and am perfectly fine and the next I almost lose it. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who is the most patient man ever and loves me and helps me through my moments of craziness! I just love him! Lord please bless Andy and I with a miracle and please let my next pregnancy test positive!! I know YOU alone can do anything and I pray for this blessing! I know that if God chooses that another answer is better for us at this time, that HE knows best, but it will be oh soooo hard. Keep praying for us! Thank you so much!

Love,

~Whitney~

Some dream of big houses

Or shiny new cars,

Ours is to someday 

Hold a baby that's ours.

Some dream of more money

To hoard and to keep,

Mine is to someday

Rock my baby to sleep.

Some dream of careers

In buildings so tall,

His is to someday

Kick his kid a football.

Some dream of great power

To be strong and tough,

Ours is to someday

Have a child to love.

Some dream of things

Such as silver and gold

Ours is of the day

Our child we'll hold.

still hoping...

I'm still hoping for this month! A little discouraged though as today is day 20 and according to the home ovulation kit that I use every day I still haven't ovulated. I know that sometimes the home kits don't show that you're ovulating, but I can't help but wonder....oh the emotional rollercoaster this journey is...last Friday I had high hopes as things seemed to be working and this Friday I'm a little discouraged. I'm definitely not as down as I have felt on some days so I guess that's good. :) Just my thoughts and feelings today. I'm hoping and praying ever so hard each day for happy news soon!! Praying the Lord uses this Clomid to ovulate and bless Andy and I with the desire of our hearts! Thank you all for your love and prayers! 
~Whitney~

journaling...

I often find that writing/journaling helps me think through what I'm feeling and to process things in my life and so I have journaled since about high school. As I mentioned in a previous post, I want to be open and honest. Most days now I am doing well by God's abounding grace and mercy and there are some days here and there that my heart just aches. Often you all see the times when I'm holding it together and doing well but sometimes when you see me I am hurting deeply inside or you just don't see me on my bad days. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Some of you have mentioned to me that you're amazed at how well I am doing and how strong my faith is, and for that I am humbled. My prayer is that even through this journey that is sometimes difficult for Andy and I, that our story would reflect Christ and what He is doing and not us. I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who is encouraging and is always by my side!
~Whitney~

September 5, 2012

Every couple weeks I make a trip to Meijer. While I’m usually there to buy food, I often find myself meandering about the store (as my husband can attest...lol!). Sure I only need some bread or milk, but a detour through the home goods section never hurt anyone, right? Every once in a while I find myself wandering through a more painful section of Meijer. The baby aisle. Call it wishful thinking, but I sometimes feel drawn to all the little outfits, furniture, and products that are designed for that little bundle of joy. Sometimes it makes me hopeful. Hopeful that one day I will have a reason to step foot in the baby section of a store without someone else’s baby registry in hand. But sometimes it just makes me ache when I see the large bold letters “Baby” across the center aisle. “That’s not for me,” I think to myself. Bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom accessories? Yes. Baby section? Not me. I don’t belong there.

Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you are on a similar journey as I am on, or the time(s) you have been pregnant resulted in your little blessing returning to heaven before you have met him/her, too, and seeing all of the baby clothes at the store just brings to mind too many thoughts of what could have been.  Maybe you are struggling through infertility as I am, and the baby section is another reminder of dashed hopes every month. 

So what’s a girl to do? I can’t avoid Walmart, Target, and every store that sells baby things. 

For the most part I feel pretty good about my trips to Meijer and Target. But there are some days where it just hits me like a never-ending freight train, and I feel overwhelmed with sadness that I don’t belong in the baby section, even though every part of me hoped and thought I would this year. I might not belong in the baby section, but I do belong somewhere much more comforting—at the foot of the cross. 

“But Jesus doesn’t turn away the grievers. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” I am called blessed. And I’m promised His comfort. 

This is blessed assurance. It’s like a great big sign at the foot of the Cross that says: 

“You Belong Here.”

Clinging to the foot of the Cross,

~Whitney~

September 6, 2012

Where does one start when trying to somehow write what is in one’s heart? As I sat next to my amazing hubby tonight while we were watching a movie. I always look over at him once in a while since I just love looking at him and thinking about how much I love him. Tonight was the same but sad thoughts came to my mind as they do at times on this road of infertility we find ourselves on. As I looked at him I just thought about him as a dad someday and all that we had dreamed about together. Dreams that may never come to pass because of my health issues. It deeply saddens my heart and brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. He has been so wonderful throughout this whole journey and loves me for who I am and never once put the blame on me. The human part of me cries inside and think that somehow it’s all my fault. It’s hard to look in the mirror sometimes and love myself because I know the hurt in my heart and how very very much I would give anything to be able to get pregnant and have a baby with Andy. I always dreamed of getting married to the most wonderful man (which I did!) and having OUR children. Instead, all around me beautiful babies are born to our friends and families. Please don’t misunderstand....I am always happy for them but I also hurt inside and wish that it was my turn. Please Lord, when will it be our turn? Why do we have to go through this? Why put this desire in my heart only to seemingly turn a deaf ear to our cries? Oh I know, I should trust God...and I do...but sometimes some things just don’t seem the way that they are “supposed to be”. Sometimes I cry out to God “why? Andy would be the best dad! If not for me then please answer our prayer request for him. I love him so much and it pains me to know that he may never have his own kids because of me. Because of ME. ME.” My heart is heavy and somehow all these words don’t even begin to touch the pain that is in my heart. I guess I will finish this later as the tears in my eyes are making it hard to see the computer screen anymore. 

tearfully,

~Whitney~

September 14, 2012

Going into marriage you’re very idealistic. You don’t dream that

you’ll have fertility issues, but that’s a reality. As hard as it is

to picture that I might never have a baby that looks like Andy, God is still good and He still loves us. He hasn’t forgotten us because the picture looks different than what we thought it would. We hope that will change, but if it doesn't it will still be okay. At the end of my day, I can still praise God for what He has done in our lives.

Growing in God’s Grace,

~Whitney~

September 15,2012

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. ~Exodus 14:14~

September 16,2012

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. ~Psalm 29:11~

September 29, 2012

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

October 22,2012

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." ~Ephesians 3:20~