ALL things...

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28~

Empty Womb

October 25,2012

God has a plan for me. His ways are far better than mine. :)

Abiding in Him,

~Whitney~

Empty Womb

By Meredith Fuller

I had a certain picture

Of how my life would be.

But I forgot to ask my Lord

What He had planned for me.

Just one life to fill my womb,

All my dreams leaned toward.

But idle waiting no one serves,

And least of all, the Lord.

How precious still the things I have

I'd somehow lost sight of,

God did whisper to my heart,

"Hold dear those things I love."

My heart did break to let it go,

This certain path I'd planned.

But in its place, He gave me life

New purpose from His hand.

When it seems that hope is lost,

The Quiet too much to bear,

He comes to me and comforts me

And says, "Child, I'm still here."

He wipes the flood of tears away,

Brings newness to my soul.

Then takes away the shame I feel

And somehow makes me whole.

Never have I walked so close

That I could call Him "Friend."

He drew me nigh, right to His heart

And let me glimpse within.

I thank the Lord for emptiness

Where life still does not grow

For oft' His richest blessing,

On the surface, does not show.

He may return what I've let go,

Or just want me to see:

"You may not have just what you want,

But always, you'll have Me."

update

Dear family and friends,

Thank you for your continued love and prayers as we seek to follow God's leading for our family. This is definitely not an easy journey but we are thankful for God's abounding grace and mercy! 

We had a relaxing and wonderful vacation which was much needed! As we write this we are in the Denver airport waiting for our last flight to return home! So we will send this email out once we return home. 

Once we return home, Whitney will be starting the medication Clomid which is used to induce ovulation as the previous  7 months of tests seem to show that she doesn't ovulate or if she does it is very infrequent. 

Please pray for our hearts to remain focused on Christ and what His will is and not what we would so greatly desire.

Blessings to you all!

Love,

~Andy & Whitney~

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." ~Ephesians 3:20~

journaling...

I often find that writing/journaling helps me think through what I'm feeling and to process things in my life and so I have journaled since about high school. As I mentioned in a previous post, I want to be open and honest. Most days now I am doing well by God's abounding grace and mercy and there are some days here and there that my heart just aches. Often you all see the times when I'm holding it together and doing well but sometimes when you see me I am hurting deeply inside or you just don't see me on my bad days. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Some of you have mentioned to me that you're amazed at how well I am doing and how strong my faith is, and for that I am humbled. My prayer is that even through this journey that is sometimes difficult for Andy and I, that our story would reflect Christ and what He is doing and not us. I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who is encouraging and is always by my side!
~Whitney~

September 5, 2012

Every couple weeks I make a trip to Meijer. While I’m usually there to buy food, I often find myself meandering about the store (as my husband can attest...lol!). Sure I only need some bread or milk, but a detour through the home goods section never hurt anyone, right? Every once in a while I find myself wandering through a more painful section of Meijer. The baby aisle. Call it wishful thinking, but I sometimes feel drawn to all the little outfits, furniture, and products that are designed for that little bundle of joy. Sometimes it makes me hopeful. Hopeful that one day I will have a reason to step foot in the baby section of a store without someone else’s baby registry in hand. But sometimes it just makes me ache when I see the large bold letters “Baby” across the center aisle. “That’s not for me,” I think to myself. Bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom accessories? Yes. Baby section? Not me. I don’t belong there.

Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you are on a similar journey as I am on, or the time(s) you have been pregnant resulted in your little blessing returning to heaven before you have met him/her, too, and seeing all of the baby clothes at the store just brings to mind too many thoughts of what could have been.  Maybe you are struggling through infertility as I am, and the baby section is another reminder of dashed hopes every month. 

So what’s a girl to do? I can’t avoid Walmart, Target, and every store that sells baby things. 

For the most part I feel pretty good about my trips to Meijer and Target. But there are some days where it just hits me like a never-ending freight train, and I feel overwhelmed with sadness that I don’t belong in the baby section, even though every part of me hoped and thought I would this year. I might not belong in the baby section, but I do belong somewhere much more comforting—at the foot of the cross. 

“But Jesus doesn’t turn away the grievers. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” I am called blessed. And I’m promised His comfort. 

This is blessed assurance. It’s like a great big sign at the foot of the Cross that says: 

“You Belong Here.”

Clinging to the foot of the Cross,

~Whitney~

September 6, 2012

Where does one start when trying to somehow write what is in one’s heart? As I sat next to my amazing hubby tonight while we were watching a movie. I always look over at him once in a while since I just love looking at him and thinking about how much I love him. Tonight was the same but sad thoughts came to my mind as they do at times on this road of infertility we find ourselves on. As I looked at him I just thought about him as a dad someday and all that we had dreamed about together. Dreams that may never come to pass because of my health issues. It deeply saddens my heart and brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. He has been so wonderful throughout this whole journey and loves me for who I am and never once put the blame on me. The human part of me cries inside and think that somehow it’s all my fault. It’s hard to look in the mirror sometimes and love myself because I know the hurt in my heart and how very very much I would give anything to be able to get pregnant and have a baby with Andy. I always dreamed of getting married to the most wonderful man (which I did!) and having OUR children. Instead, all around me beautiful babies are born to our friends and families. Please don’t misunderstand....I am always happy for them but I also hurt inside and wish that it was my turn. Please Lord, when will it be our turn? Why do we have to go through this? Why put this desire in my heart only to seemingly turn a deaf ear to our cries? Oh I know, I should trust God...and I do...but sometimes some things just don’t seem the way that they are “supposed to be”. Sometimes I cry out to God “why? Andy would be the best dad! If not for me then please answer our prayer request for him. I love him so much and it pains me to know that he may never have his own kids because of me. Because of ME. ME.” My heart is heavy and somehow all these words don’t even begin to touch the pain that is in my heart. I guess I will finish this later as the tears in my eyes are making it hard to see the computer screen anymore. 

tearfully,

~Whitney~

September 14, 2012

Going into marriage you’re very idealistic. You don’t dream that

you’ll have fertility issues, but that’s a reality. As hard as it is

to picture that I might never have a baby that looks like Andy, God is still good and He still loves us. He hasn’t forgotten us because the picture looks different than what we thought it would. We hope that will change, but if it doesn't it will still be okay. At the end of my day, I can still praise God for what He has done in our lives.

Growing in God’s Grace,

~Whitney~

September 15,2012

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. ~Exodus 14:14~

September 16,2012

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. ~Psalm 29:11~

September 29, 2012

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

October 22,2012

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." ~Ephesians 3:20~

1 Peter 5:7

The last few days I've been discouraged and last night wasn't any better....I know God hears me, but sometimes I still feel so alone....this journey Andy and I are on brings me to tears sometimes.... =(

~Whitney~

I `am So Discouraged Lord  

I`m discouraged Lord, But I`m trusting in you I`m discouraged Lord, But I know you`ll get me through When we get discouraged , and feel down I know to turn to you, To turn things around I know these are trials .We must go through I know I should`nt get feeling down and blue I know you don`t want to see my eyes filled with these tears You want me to be strong. As I have been through the years It seems once again my world is falling apart I love you Lord Jesus with all of my heart I`m trying Dear Lord, So hard to be strong I`ve been through so much, It seems my strength is gone I feel like I`m losing it ,Can`t hold together much longer I need you Lord to strengthen me, Once again make me stronger For I am so discouraged Lord I just don`t know what to do I`m trying to hold on to my faith and keep my trust in you It seems that I`m lost in this Big lonely world of today Each day more and more I seem to lose my way I`m sorry Lord for feeling discouraged and so low Without you in my life I`ve no where to go I know that you are aware of all I`m going through I also know to dry my tears And put my trust in you I`m discouraged Lord, And don`t know what to do I`m trying to be strong, As I trust in you By: Libra Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7~

Psalm 139

THis is one of my two favorite chapters in God's Word!

~Whitney~

Psalm 139

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.